I’ve woken up the past two mornings feeling a little disoriented. Something is different. Then I remember. Two nights ago, Dex and I pulled the plug on listing the house. The realtor was scheduled to meet with us Thursday morning to sign the listing papers but on Wednesday night, Dex and I finally had the conversation we should have had two months ago.

We are still going to sell. We are still going to move. This is not a drastic change in plans, just a delay, a reconfiguring. Actually more of a clarification. A much needed clarification.

Remember our options?

• Option A - move locally to be near his current office for the 2-3 years until The Big Payoff (knock on wood)
• Option B - move to CA or another location where his employer has an office for the 2-3 years until The Big Payoff (knock on wood), and possibly longer
• Option C  - finagle a combined telecommute/long distance commute arrangement to allow us to move to our ultimate destination in Colorado

What became crystal clear as we talked Wednesday night is that if we sell our house now, our only option is Option A, to move locally. Which is, as you may also recall, my “only if we have absolutely no other choice to bridge the gap between now and The Big Payoff (knock on wood).” As Dex said, selling our house now closes the door to Options B and C for the next 2-3 years.

Conversely, if we wait into the fall or late winter, various factors will hopefully have changed sufficiently to allow us to sell and go through with Option C. Or at least Option B. But we both agree that Option C is most desirable and would be the best scenario for our family. This is key, this both agreeing part. Until Wednesday night, I was not 100% convinced that Dex felt the same way about Option C as I did. I’m sure I feel more strongly about it, but as long as he’s in agreement, that all I ask.

So we agreed to do the only thing that made sense - call the realtor and cancel our appointment to list the house.

It’s the right decision. Although I dread spending another winter in New England and in this house, crammed together and driving each other crazy and enduring Dex’s hideously long commute and all the ensuing stress, I would a hundred times rather keep living like this for the coming 9-12 months (by the time we actually sell - fingers crossed) than move to another Boston suburb with no possibility of getting our butts to Colorado for years to come. Really, when it came down to it, it wasn’t a tough choice.

But now I find myself waking in this daze and wandering the house in a state of interrupted expectation. I imagine that Thursday morning found Hillary feeling much the same way. Months upon months of intense work and focus, all of our energy, attention, and hearts pouring into one goal (for her, the party nomination, for me, a Sold sign and a moving van) and suddenly it’s over. Kind of. Mostly. It’s as if we’ve been running hard - flat out, lungs burning - and look down to find the ground has evaporated beneath our feet and we’re treading thin air.

And I find myself thinking, well, if Hillary call pull herself together and get on with life, and more so can rally around her adversary for the sake of the larger goal, then so can I. As a friend of mine wrote the other day regarding her own life, it’s “time to face up to the reality of the situation and just move forward.”

I just have one question… what am I supposed to do with all that stuff sitting in the storage unit in my driveway?