They looked innocent enough. The girls leaned out of the shopping cart toward the Costco Free Sample Man and his chocolate delicacies. I handed one each to Jules and Mae. Hmm, those look good, I thought. Hmm, they look like thin shaved chocolate formed into a semi-flattened tube. Hmm, perhaps I’ll treat myself as well.

I lifted the chocolate. I placed it in my mouth. I bit.

And just as I felt the crunch, I became aware of Free Sample Man’s voice saying something about the cookie.

What the heck?! COOKIE??? Red alert! Red alert!!

I had to stop chewing. I could feel the thin, cleverly disguised cookieness sticking to my teeth. FSM kept talking up the chocolates and I kept nodding, trying to move my jaw just enough to give the appearance of chewing without actually ingesting anything. As a diversion, I grabbed a box and threw it in the cart, murmered something vague and festive while trying not to spew chocolate cookie mush from my mouth, and wheeled around.

In a side aisle, I spit the poison into the little paper cup. Then I checked my watch - 1:37 p.m. If all goes well I won’t be doubled up in the bathroom in an hour and a half. Wish me well.