I like Edward’s school. I have nothing against it. We live in a town with a good, high test-scoring district, which encompasses two towns, as is common here in New England. We’ve paid many thousands of dollars in property tax in the past decade and a half to help ensure a good school system. That being said, I have a problem.

New England is organized much like a grouping of tiny fuedal states, with each town having it’s own library, fire department, police department, recreation program, school district, etc. Our library (which is good) and the one 5 miles south in the neighboring town and the one 7 miles east in another town and the one 5 or so miles in yet another town to the north are completely separate entities.

Why is this a problem? Because in small town after small town across the region, it ends up placing a large burden on the citizens and taxpayers to support a town complete infrastructure.

It’s also a problem, I have come to realize, because when it comes to schools, we have no choices. But didn’t I just say we have a good school system? Yes, I did. We do. What I naively assumed before I had school-aged kids was that because the public schools were deemed “good” or “above average” and because they were safe and clean and well-meaning and because we live in a semi-affluent town and because I believe in the public school system and because my kids are smart (deep breath) that they would do just fine in school (wheeeeeewww, exhale).

Dang, has my innocence been stripped.

Edward had a rough year last year in second grade. A lot of it had to do with stress at home — Davey’s grave illness and 5-week hospitalization, Dex’s new job with the three-hour a day commute, me being stressed to the breaking point by basically being alone all week to raise four kids, including two toddlers and a kid with special needs. If Dex and I were feeling the strain (to put it most mildly), how do you think a seven-year old was handling it? But school played a big part too. I liked his teacher - she was new to our school last year (not new to teaching) - but it seems I was the only parent who liked her. Hmm. Edward’s class was rambunctious. He started getting teased and bullied. By the end of the year, he was being sent to the principal’s office several times a week for the slightest misbehaviour. I finally had to draw a line. I said to the principal that I felt like my son was now being seen as “the bad kid” and if things didn’t change soon, he was going to start to see himself this way.

Do I even need to pause here to say I have never, ever seen my son as a bad kid? That his misbehaviour stemmed obviously from stress, being bullied, and the quashing of his nature?

Edward is smart. His academic work is and was absolutely on track. He’s verbal. A talented artist. Compassionate. Outgoing. Kind. And he’s a young boy who needs to touch things and manipulate the world around him. He needs to move and explore. He does not have ADD or ADHD or a sensory integration disorder, etc. (nor has anyone suggested so). He’s a curious young boy full of curious young boy energy.

Edward is not unique. I have been reading Michael Gurian’s books and watching the neighborhood boys and trying to put myself in the mind of my son. And everything I learn tells me that sitting at a desk for six hours a day and sucking up the learning alongside 23 other young souls is not the best environment for him. Here’s the thing… while I do believe it is my job as his parent to help him play by the rules of society - to listen, to follow rules, to be respectful - I do not see that my job as a parent is to train him to be a good corporate soldier.

Do I sound like I am blaming his school? I’m not. I do like his school and the staff. He’s had a decent time there so far and could continue to do so. But it bothers me, first of all, that things could get as far as they did last year, and secondly, that he says fairly frequently that he doesn’t like school. Doesn’t say he hates it, but definitely doesn’t look forward to it or especially enjoy it. Considering he’ll be spending the majority of his waking life there for the next 10 years at least, I would like to see him energized by and engaged in school.

The problem is not the school, per se. Nor is it Edward, per se. The two are, I believe, mismatched. Edward’s school is a great for a lot of kids, maybe even most kids. But it’s not the best fit for my kid. And this being New England, where the town government is king and every tiny burgh is invested in its own infrastructure, our choice in where to send him to school is: NONE. No charter schools, no focus schools, no non-traditional learning classrooms (well, there was a mutli-age class option but that’s being eliminated). There’s not even a Talented and Gifted program. Not saying he needs one, but some kids, I’m sure, would benefit and the option isn’t there.

So while our schools may be very good, if they’re not the right fit for my kid and how he needs to learn, then they aren’t doing us any good.