You know that blissful feeling you get when you take an overdue break from everyday life, when you find yourself sinking into yourself in limp peacefulness, taking deep breathes in and slowly exhaling, and listening to the echo of your own lazy thoughts? It’s great, isn’t it? And you think, ah! Now I can face life again. I am recharged, reborn, reinvigorated.

And then you return home and less than 24 hours later all the crazy loud stressful crap of life comes crashing down on you and your sense of bliss and peace is a swiftly fading memory and you feel like you never even went on vacation?

I got through the chaotic dance of getting four kids fed, dressed, and off to school this morning, all the while murmering to myself, alone, alone, I am going to have a day alone. The boys got on their buses, I dropped the girls at daycare (Jules wailing as I left), and exhaled in one long continuous breath the whole way home. It was weird, walking into the house carrying nothing but my cell phone and keys. It was weird being met with silence. I went upstairs and recklessly left the baby gate open. Gasp! Most importantly, I got stuff done. I worked on my work, I did a few house chores. Not the everyday stuff - I’m not paying someone hundreds of dollars a month so I can do more laundry and have a cleaner floor - but a few things that are harder to do with the kids around. Like throwing away broken toys. 

Three o’ clock came too quickly. I could have used another hour. But I also felt satisfied, knowing that today was a mere beginning and that many such days are to follow. I ran off to pick up the girls, dashed home (having woken Mae from her nap and thrown them both barefoot in the van), got Davey off his bus 10 minutes later, then met Edward’s bus 15 minutes after that.

You would think that after a productive, quiet 5.62 hours by myself, I would be unfazed by the whining of two clingy, snotty toddlers. You would think small things like Davey painting every horizontal surface with chocolate milk would not bother me so. You, dear, would be wrong.