I am tired of thinking about and talking about the things that aren’t working and aren’t what I want for this family. I want to focus on what I do want. This is the vision of the life I want for us.

• I want a house that gives us the space and layout to be comfortable together yet also gives us comfortable private spaces. A basement with a huge play area for the kids. A comfortable guest room for visiting family. A master bathtub big enough to soak in. A safe fenced yard with a deck and a sunroom or screened porch. A mudroom off the garage, with hooks and storage and places to hang back packs, all out of the way. A breakfast area with room for a huge table that we can all gather around. A fireplace for chilly evenings. Lots of light and sun.
• I want a school for Edward that is not just academically solid, but is fun for him. I want a school that challenges and invigorates him, that stimulates his curiosity and creativity. And I want choices for the other kids as they move into elementary school.
• I want safe places for our kids to ride their bikes, to walk together through the neighborhood or to a park. I want a neighborhood where kids get together easily and just play. I want them to not have to take the school bus.
• I want the opportunity to make us some new friends. A couple or two we can hang out with and get along well with. (I know that’s possible anywhere but we’ve kind of tapped out here.)

• I want to be able to send the kids – some or all – off to grandma & grandpa’s house for a sleepover. So Dex and I can sleep late, make an overnight trip to see a play or go to a casino, or just stay home together in our own bed.

• I want our kids to have close relationships with their grandparents, cousins, aunts & uncles. I want our families to nurture and teach and guide our children as they grow. I want them to celebrate the kids’ birthdays and graduations with us, to see the school plays, to watch baseball and soccer games. And I want us to be there for our nephew and nieces as they grow up, as real presences in their lives.
• I want to feel like I am in a real town, where I don’t have to drive 20+ minutes to get anywhere. I want to get my errands done as quickly as possible, without burning 45 minutes in the car. I want, when the kids are older, for them to have some personal freedom to get around safely – by foot, by bus, by bike.
• I want to have more choices in what and where I eat – restaurants and groceries stores that are convenient, that give me easier choices and make eating seem normal again (almost).
• I want to be warmer. I want the sun. Lots of sunny days. I want us to spend as much time outside as possible, playing, riding bikes, gardening, just enjoying being outside. I want to not be eaten alive by insects.
• I want to develop my career as a photographer and writer. I want to make money taking pictures. I want to contribute income to the family and to have my own work and my own identity outside of the house and the kids.
• I want to never again be in the situation we were in last fall. Period. I kow we can’t keep bad things from happening, but when they do, I want to be surrounded by support and care.
• I want to have fun. I want us to have fun as a family. I want recreation centers and swimming pools. I want to be so close to museums and zoos and ballparks that we can’t help but go.
• I want to go to the library on Sunday afternoons.
• I want Dex to be able to relax and enjoy life again. To have fun on the weekends, to not feel so pressured and overburdened. Oh, wait, I want that for me too.

I don’t want or expect life to be perfect. The kids will still drive us crazy, viruses will come and go, the weather will still suck some days… I just want life to be not so damn hard and exhausting, most of the day, most days.